By far, this is probably the hardest season of my life yet. I’m being stretched and pushed in so many different ways. God is really growing me into who He created me to be. This blog isn’t just a cute idea, but a real representation of what is going on in my life.
I’m very active in my church. I participate in many different areas and most recently, I’ve been stepping out as a worship leader. Not so much stepping out, but more like God pushed me into the deep end. I kind of always knew I’d get there eventually, but eventually was a long way off. Like well into my 30’s. The other night, I really began to deal with feelings of doubt and fear in regards to leading worship. I was terrified because I didn’t have confidence in my abilities. I’m still new at this and kind feel like I don’t know what I’m doing. I began to feel like I wasn’t really called to this and that I wouldn’t be able to do it.
It was here that God showed me something that I’m holding dear to my heart and I want to share it with you. All my life, I’ve lacked confidence. Sometimes, after I feel I’ve mastered something, I feel confident only after people acknowledge what I’ve done. I found my validation in what other’s thought about the job I did and that fed into my confidence. But that confidence was built on a faulty foundation. My ability is nothing without Christ’s power in me. And people’s praise is worthless. So I could never be fully confident by building myself on the back of my own strength and the useless adoration of others.
I love what the Apostle Paul says in 2 Corinthians 3:5– “Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God.” When God led me to this scripture, He reminded me that anything I can do, I can only do it through His power at work in me. So when it came to leading worship, my ability is only through Him. I don’t have to be fearful of the things He called me to do because they don’t rely on my strength and they don’t rely on my ability. AND they won’t fail because of my inability. My position is to be fully dependent upon Him at all time and for all things. Even down to the very breath that I breathe. When I understood that, my confidence level changed. I will never be able to be fully confident relying on myself or on the fickle musings of others. I will only be able to be bold and brave and confident when I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that my sufficiency comes only from Him.
I don’t know where in your life you need this. But I do know that God wanted me to remind you that you can fully rely on Him. Whatever He’s calling you to do, He’ll provide you with what you need. If He’s asking you to change, you can do it through His power and His strength. You don’t have to trust in yourself or your own ability. Trust me, you’ll fail every time if you do. But if you rely fully and totally upon Him and allow Him to be your sufficiency, you’ll see strength like you’ve never known. And you’ll be able to face whatever is coming your way, fearless and head on.
Where is God calling you to do something that will require a courage and a confidence that you can only find in Him? I want to know so I can pray with you! Reply and let me know!
I pray that this helped you somehow. As I share my life and my struggles, it’s my hope that my transparency is helpful to your growth.
Brittany C. Harris 