Giving Up My Lives

I have another blog that I’m working on, but I had to get this out! I’ll finish that one later, but this was burning in my heart. And y’all know I use this blog to process and share.

I’m in this season where God is pruning and pruning and picking and sharpening and molding and challenging, etc. It’s been a tough spot. Not even gonna lie or sugarcoat it. It is what it is. I had an entire temper tantrum. I was mad like, “God. What else do you want?! Haven’t I grown? Haven’t I made progress in that area? Can we not do this?” Y’all. I had a whole moment. Like crying and everything. If I could have, I would have thrown my body on the floor and start kicking and screaming. But I’m in my 30s so that’s not a good look.

Anyway- God is showing me one simple truth. My life doesn’t belong to me. Now, I know that in theory. I sing it in worship all the time. And honestly, I gave up my life to God. Well, some of my life. See, what I’m coming to realize right now is that I have multiple lives. Like a cat, but not. Essentially, there are different aspects and shades of my life. And some of them I’ve turned over to God. Those are the ones that are toxic and not in line with the Word of God or those things that are not becoming of a Christian.

I mean, in the grand scheme of things, those were the ones that were easy to give up. They made sense! Yup! I stopped drinking and sleeping around, etc, etc. That made sense to give up. I even went as far as to go into ministry. Got ordained as a minister. Made sense! Ooo! even further- I moved across the country (8 hours drive) away from my family and my friends and the life I knew to obey and follow God. I gave up my life!

But there are other lives, or aspects of my life, that God has His finger on that I haven’t given up yet. Some of them are hidden in the recesses of my subconscious but others I guess I didn’t see the harm in it. What I do with my free time, what hobbies I like, how I use social media as an outlet, who I connect with… As long as these things don’t oppose what God requires, it’s fine, right?

It’s not fine. Why? Because those “lives” aren’t mine either. I’ve been fighting to hold on to parts of me that I feel like I should be able to govern and control and make decisions about. But, how can I say that Jesus is Lord, but not allow Him to be Lord in EVERYTHING?

Lord – a person who has authority, control, or power over others; a master, chief, or ruler; a person who exercises authority from property rights; an owner. 

Dictionary.com

We don’t like that word, control, but the reality of the matter is, when Jesus gave His life for us, He purchased our freedom. Our life now belongs to Him. We weren’t freed from sin into our own recognizance. We were freed into the lordship of Jesus Christ. Therefore, because He purchased our freedom, we belong to Him. EVERY PART OF OUR LIVES.

Paul made this point in a couple of different ways:

For you died to this life, and your real life is hidden with Christ in God.

Colossians 3:3

My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

Galatians 2:20

Nothing in my life, and I mean nothing, belongs to me. And to be honest, this realization sucks. It sucks because it shows me where I don’t trust God. I want to hold on to the areas of my life that I want to control, the areas that I don’t want God to strip and the areas that I don’t know if He really will work in. That’s a hard thing to say, but it makes me realize that I have to give up my life, all of my lives, if I truly want Him to be Lord. I have to put my faith in His goodness and His trustworthiness and in His sovereignty.

I’m not saying it’s going to be easy. It’s going to require me to give up my time, my attitudes, my thought processes, my comforts, my desires (or lack thereof in some cases!) all in adoption of the life that He has designed for me. I have to give up my idea of what I thought my life would be like and instead embrace the one He’s painting for me. I have to stop fighting God’s way and let Him have His way in me. Thankful that the Holy Spirit is our helper and enables us to do those things that we couldn’t do in an of ourselves.

Today, I’m making the commitment to make Him Lord. My pastor says it this way, “Either He’s Lord of all or He’s not Lord at all.” I want Him to be Lord of all my lives to the point that there truly is only one life. That there are fragments and aspects of me that are divided. I want the message that I portray at all times is a reflection of my wholehearted trust in and devotion to God.

Father in the name of Jesus, I give you full control of my life. God, point out in me those areas that I haven’t invited you in. I want you to be Lord in my life. Not just in word, but in deed. Holy Spirit, help me to relinquish full control. Help me to trust beyond what I can understand. Help me to acknowledge in all my way. Show me that your ways are right and your ways are best. Give me the discipline to submit to you, even when it hurts. Even when I don’t want to. Even when my desires pull me away from your will. Form your will in me until it becomes my own. I lay down my life, all of them, and take up the cross that you gave me. Your word say that if anyone hold on to their life, they would lose it but if they give up their life for your sake, they would find it. God, as I commit to lay down my all aspects of my life today, help me to find my life in you. Help me to find my satisfaction in you and the things you have for me. Help me to find my identity and my security in you and you alone. In your plans, in your call, in your purpose and in your timing for my life. I submit and I devote to you again. Thank you for doing your work in me. You be glorified in my life.

In Jesus Name, Amen.

I hope that my musing and my processing helps someone to understand what God has for us. This walk isn’t for the faint of heart, but it’s worth it! If I can pray with you in any way or be a support or an encouragement, don’t hesitate to reach out to me!


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