I have tears in my eyes as I type this post. I know I said the next post would be in a series, but I just couldn’t help it. It’s a monumental time that we’re living in and I wanted to capture it the best way I know how.
I spent some time this morning on Facebook scrolling through old pictures and reflecting on where I was ten years ago and all the things that have happened since then. I was 22 turning 23 at the start of this last decade. I had a 3 almost 4 year old daughter and was floundering around in school trying to figure out what I wanted to do for the rest of my life.
I had just had an epic breakup with the guy I thought I was supposed to marry. It was epic like movie style. So dramatic and so heartbreaking. I threw myself into my friendships and eventually into a new relationship. I lived life. Lived to the fullest extent that I knew how. I was a good mom, kept a steady job, kept my boyfriend happy, kept up with my social life. What more could you ask for?
But even in the midst of all that, I knew something was missing. It was like a quiet gnawing at the back of my mind that if I just do this or just achieve that I would feel better. “Once I get my degree, I’ll be fine” or “If I can get him to propose to me, it’ll be okay.” It was fine. I was fine. Nothing was wrong, well, not on the outside at least.
Fast forward into the decade, I was arrested by Christ. I hit the end of my rope and I was tired of pretending that everything was okay. I was tired of pretending that what I felt inside could be solved by external means. I literally was ready to give up. After failed relationships, suicide attempts, broken dreams, unmet expectations, I had nearly nothing left.
I had my family, my daughter, and my real friends, but nothing I imagined I’d have. No degree, no success, no marriage. Nothing. There’s a quote that says, “You never know God is all you need until God is all you have.” That was so true for me. It wasn’t until I had nothing that I realized that He was more than enough.
Over these last 7 almost 8 years of this decade, I can only give God the credit, the praise and the glory. He pulled me out of my lowest points. He called me worthy even when I knew I had nothing to offer. He showed me love like I could have only imagined. I have healed and grown in ways that I couldn’t have even known I needed to. And the woman I am today was born through the grace of God.
It’s wild to me to think of what has happened over these last few years:
- Graduating college with my Bachelor’s degree
- Getting licensed as a minister then later ordained into ministry
- Hosting a women’s conference
- Preaching and leading worship
- Losing my grandmother
- Creating a career that I love
- Turning 30!!!
- Writing a book (still to be published!)
- Traveling to Guadalajara on a Missions Trip
- Moving to New Jersey for ministry
Any accomplishment I could list pales in comparison to what God has done in me. And in the end, none of that matters. What matters most to me is how much He has done. How much I have grown to reflect His character. He has shown me who I am and put His identity in me. He’s dealt with my rejection issues and my comparison with others. He showed me my worth in Him that has nothing to do with external factors. He showed me how to be authentic in who He created me and to fully embrace all that He’s designed for me. And this is nothing I’ve done on my own. I can’t take credit at all. It’s truly all because of Him.
So as I reflect on the last 10 years, I’m just grateful. I’m grateful for what God has brought me out of, who He made me to be and who He’s making me to be. I’m not at all worthy of the call on my life. Not at all. But He’s just so good to me that I have no choice but to devote my life to Him.
2010s were a great decade. 2020s, let’s go.